I had the most luxury and fabulous picnic this wee I had the most luxury and fabulous picnic this weekend, hosted by @amberautumnevents ! If you are local, they are offering a $200 picnic for Mother’s Day! I 

#luxurypicnic #picnicsetup #picnicinthepark #fancypicnic #ootd #springtime #tablescapes #datenight #montalvo #saratoga #summerdress #picnicinspo #vacationoutfit #summerfashion #springfashion #partyinspo #bloggersover100k
Shop the Mint (@shopthemint) try-on is LIVE in sto Shop the Mint (@shopthemint) try-on is LIVE in stories or swipe through this post! Happy Sunday y’all! Shop now http://liketk.it/3dfWa 

 #liketkit @liketoknow.it 
#shopthemint #tryon #summerstyle #maxidress #springfashion2021
Cheers to Friday, friends!! Cheers to Friday, friends!!
I had the best time last weekend at @gianasiska_’s “Briderton”👰🏽themed Bachelorette party. It was so creative, beautiful, and of course... she will be the most incredible bride!! Love you!! 

#bridgerton #engaged #shesaidyes #engagement #weddinginspo #wifematerial #bridalshower #bridgertonthemed #weddingpartyinspo #sfblogger #sanjoseblogger
Victoria Emerson (@victoriaemersondesign) is havin Victoria Emerson (@victoriaemersondesign) is having a HUGE sale now through this weekend. With every purchase, you will get a free bracelet! You know their magnetic wrap bracelets are my absolute favorite... ❤️ Head on over to my stories or my blog to see my favorite picks up close and to learn more about the sale! SHOP http://liketk.it/3d2hK

#liketkit @liketoknow.it #LTKstyletip #LTKunder50 #LTKsalealert #wrapbracelets #armcandy #braceletstack #victoriaemerson #springaccessories #accessoryinspo #flatlayinspo
Sometimes you need to just throw on a wig and pret Sometimes you need to just throw on a wig and pretend to be someone else. 🤪This wig was only $17! DM me if you’re interested! 📸: @emilykimphoto 

#pinkhair #wigs #wiglife #wigblogger #springstyle #pinkdress #springfashion #sequinstyle
Borrowed @jennxbradley’s bar cart for this shot Borrowed @jennxbradley’s bar cart for this shot 🤪 Wearing a cute two piece skater dress and cardigan from @chicwish. I am loving their new spring pieces… what do you think? Shop here http://liketk.it/3cRFm 

#springstyle #barcartinspo #fashioninspo #chicwish #bloggersover100k #liketkit @liketoknow.it #LTKstyletip #LTKunder50 #LTKsalealert
Monday mornings are for loungewear and warm blanki Monday mornings are for loungewear and warm blankies!! Showing off this fuzzy BFD inspired set and this BFD blanket look alike in stories! Both of these are a 1/3 of the price of the originals!!! OBSESSED. Have a great start to your week friends. Shop http://liketk.it/3cMps 

 #liketkit @liketoknow.it #LTKhome #LTKstyletip #LTKunder50  #bfd #barefootdreams #mondayvibes #stayathome #workfromhomefashion
Yoga and loungewear kind of day with my bestie @je Yoga and loungewear kind of day with my bestie @jennxbradley! I’m so excited for @ethos_co new Tie Dye Activewear collection! Use code SONIA for a special discount. 

#ethos #tiedye #loungewear #sundayfunday #workoutinspo #fitnessblogger #bestiegoals #bloggerinspo
  • Designer Dupes
  • Home Inspiration
  • Getting Real
  • Fashion and Beauty
  • Blogging Tips
  • Gift Guides
  • Shop My Closet
    • Shop My Favorites
  • About Me
    • Contact Me
  • Shop My Presets
    • Cart
  • Shop My Presets
  • Designer Dupes
  • Fashion and Beauty
  • Getting Real
  • Blogging Tips
  • Home Inspiration
  • Gift Guides

Sonia Begonia

A fashion blogger inspiring you to be your best self

Getting Real · October 8, 2018

An Anxious Heart, I Am So Much More – My Struggle with Panic Attacks

Struggle with Anxiety Attacks


My Struggle with Panic Attacks

Repeat: I am anxiety. I am paranoia. And I am fear. I am pain. And I am lost. These were the thoughts that whirled through my mind during my first panic attack as a 22-year old UCLA student. I woke up, opened my eyes, and instantly it began. I would experience throwing up, passing out, having an extremely high heart rate, feeling like my insides were being rung out to dry, ringing in my ears, and sheer panic. My body reacted as if there was someone holding a gun to my head and I couldn’t stop it. Little did I know, I was beginning my struggle with panic attacks.

Ten minutes later I was in the ER, medicated, and evaluated. “It’s your first panic attack”, they told me. Panic? Attack? But I had just woken up, I had nothing to panic about. That was the first morning of 41 consecutive mornings to come, where I would wake up and the cycle would begin. I had never been so scared in my life.

I dropped out of UCLA and headed home for treatment. It was the hardest and most necessary decision I could ever make. The panic attacks continued every morning. One week later I had lost almost 10 pounds (I would eventually get down to 98 lbs at 5’8). I was debilitated to my bed with the occasional walks for fresh air (they only lasted about 1-2 minutes. I was so weak. And I knew in less than 24 hours, the cycle would begin, the panic would continue, and no one knew why.

The Treatment Plans

I began treatment with medication and CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). I was lucky. The first medication I tried worked. It was Paxil, an antidepressant, which is mainly prescribed for extreme anxiety and anxiety-induced depression. At the CBT Program, I had to retrain my body to eat again. I had to retrain my body to breathe again. And I had to retrain my body to fall asleep and wake up again. I had to remind myself when to drink a glass of water. It was like I was a child. I remember the first time I finished a slice of bread – the first one in over 6 weeks. I cried because it was such an achievement. My struggle with panic attacks had taken over.

After 8 weeks of treatment, the attacks slowly began to stop. I learned to not fight my anxiety; to not try to suppress a panic attack. The sooner you accept it and work with it – the sooner it will pass. I never did figure out what triggered my disorder (I believe it is genetic). Eventually, I regained 25 pounds, re-enrolled at UCLA, and graduated early to begin a successful career in PR.

Looking Back at My Panic Attacks

Five years later, I experience panic attacks much less frequently. I have no plans to taper off the medication for fear of it coming back (update as of 2019 – the slow taper has begun). The experience truly changed me. I was a successful model and student, with a promising future in the fast pace world of Hollywood. My priorities changed. I lost many friends who came to visit me and couldn’t understand what I was going through. But, I cannot blame them, because not even I knew.

I still remember my dad sleeping next to me for three months to check on me constantly. My cousins, aunts, and uncles all visited me. I am cursed, but I am even more blessed. I appreciate the small things in life, like having the energy to go to the grocery store without passing out or waking up feeling refreshed and read to conquer the day.

Panic Attacks Are Real.

For those of you who roll their eyes at the thought of someone feeling “anxious” – know that anxiety IS real and it can paralyze you. I hope this story is relatable to those of you who have been temporarily debilitated by an anxiety disorder. I want you to know that there is hope – you are not alone. Do not be afraid of the stigma that comes along with any mental illness – speak up and share your story! Get medicated if you must. We share our struggles and successes from physical diseases, but when it comes to mental health, the fear of embarrassment hinders any opportunity for inspiration, community, and hope.

Repeat, I am not anxiety. I am strong. And I am brave. I am loved. And I am found.

For more inspiration, follow me on instagram and visit the blog!

In: Getting Real · Tagged: Inspiration, Mental Health

Get on the List

Privacy Policy

You’ll Also Love

Bloggers with Anxiety and Depression - Mental Health Bloggers6 Bloggers with Anxiety and Depression – Mental Health Bloggers
Dream ProposalMy Flower Wall Proposal and Engagement
5 Reasons You Need a Girl Gang5 Reasons Why You Need a Girl Gang
Next Post >

An Extrovert’s Heart Imprisoned in an Introvert’s Mind

Hey there, it’s Sonia! Thank you for stopping by. Regardless of what brought you to Sonia Begonia, I’m thankful. Here you will discover inspiration and hope about all topics in life – fashion, mental health, relationships, heroes, and frankly, a lot of my random thoughts. Let this space be somewhere you can come when you’re feeling lost – when you need a laugh – when you have no idea what to wear – how to do your hair – or when you can’t remember why life is beautiful. If you take anything away from here – it’s that no matter the situation, you are never alone. The inspiration you desire is closer than you think. In fact, it might have been right inside you all along.

Follow Me!

Categories

  • Blogging Tips
  • Designer Dupes
  • Fashion and Beauty
  • Getting Real
  • Gift Guides
  • Home Inspiration

Recent Posts

  • Cheap Laura Mercier Translucent Setting Powder Dupes
  • Ray-Ban Dupes, Knock-offs, and Look Alikes Under $20
  • Victoria Emerson Sale – Free Bracelet With Purchase
  • Bridgerton Inspired Dresses on Amazon – Daphne Style Outfits
  • YSL Dupes and Yves Saint Laurent Inspired Bags DHgate
  • Designer Dupes
  • Home Inspiration
  • Getting Real
  • Fashion and Beauty
  • Blogging Tips
  • Gift Guides
  • Shop My Closet
    • Shop My Favorites
  • About Me
    • Contact Me
  • Shop My Presets
    • Cart

Legal

  • Privacy Policy

Trending Now Babes

  • Affordable Designer Dupes For Cheap Favorite Designer Dupes on Amazon
  • Got2B Color Dye Let’s Get Amethyst Chrome with Schwarzkopf got2b
  • Winter Outfits at Revolve What’s Trending This Winter at REVOLVE
  • Galentine's Day Party Inspiration The Ultimate Galentine’s Day Party, Love-inspired Outfits, Gifts for Your Bestie, and More!

instagram

Follow @soniabegoniablog

It’s Saturday night in quarantine! You know what It’s Saturday night in quarantine! You know what that means… all dressed up to go to the mail-box :D. Love this puffy sleeved Amazon find. Under $30 and soooo worth it. Mini Amazon try-on haul in stories NOW! http://liketk.it/2XuJW 

#amazonfashion #amazonfashion #littleblackdress #lbd #amazonhaul #amazontryon #saturdaynight #weekendvibes #puffysleeves #lacedress #outfitoftheday #ootd #datenightideas #datenightoutfits #liketkit @liketoknow.it #LTKsalealert #LTKunder50 #LTKstyletip
Sometimes you just need a little sparkle ft. @sorr Sometimes you just need a little sparkle ft. @sorrellisparkle jewelry - their Fall collection! Paired it with my new @anntaylor dress and I LOVE it! I hope you are all having a beautiful weekend! 

#sorrelli #sorrellisparkle #thisisann #annytaylor #fallstyle #falldress
Friday’s call for Coffee. Leggings. Leopard. Don Friday’s call for Coffee. Leggings. Leopard. Done. 🤪 OH, and messy hair. Wearing a comfy look to run errands and do some fall decor shopping at Walmart. Spencer, HIDE THE CREDIT CARDS. What are you up to today?
Shop the look : http://liketk.it/2XnLN

#liketkit @liketoknow.it #LTKsalealert #LTKunder50 #LTKfit #leopardtop #leopardleggings #leopardbikeshorts #athleticwear #amazonfashion #always #alwaystylishmama #weekendvibes #fridaystyle #casualstyle #ootd #onthegostyle
TRENDY TWEED ALERT!! This is giving me major Blair TRENDY TWEED ALERT!! This is giving me major Blair Waldorf and Elle Woods vibes don’t you think? 🙌🏼👗💗 Safe for work and classy for any occasion. SHOP http://liketk.it/2XeJO 

#liketkit @liketoknow.it #LTKsalealert #LTKwedding #LTKunder50 #tweeddress #tweedjacket #legallyblonde #legallyblondeinspired #sheinus #shein #fallstyle #gossipgirlstyle #preppystyle #casualstyle #datenightstyle #ltkwork #workwear #officeattire #officestyle
1,2,3, or 4? Which way would you wear this STAR 🌟⭐️💫denim jacket? Also, ya’ll voted and the name of my alter-ego is….. drumroll…. KATRINA. 🙃 I have so much fun wearing this wig, like, can I just dye my hair and chop it off? LOL. Also designer dupes are 50% off TODAY ONLY. Head on over to stories!

Shop the whole look (including the $16 wig, and $8 dress) here and use code 4SONIA15 for 15% off! http://liketk.it/2Xa2j

#liketkit @liketoknow.it #LTKsalealert #LTKshoecrush #LTKunder50 #pinkwigs #dressup #denimjacket #pinkbodycondress #sheinus #sheinofficial #ootd #datenightlook #alterego #ltkunder20
I am all about MONOGRAM these days. So I found @sh I am all about MONOGRAM these days. So I found @shopilovejewelry and their cute monogrammed jammies, bags, tops, cardigans, and more. I just received their Monobox subscription and I am obsessed. Head on over to my stories for a complete try-on and a major Monday fail… *facepalm. 

#monogrammedjammies #styleblogger #mondayvibes #loungewear #salealert #stayathome #workfromhomestyle #shopilovejewelrymonobox
<GIVEAWAY CLOSED> Congratulations to the winner @n <GIVEAWAY CLOSED> Congratulations to the winner @norahester88 ✨WIN A $400 EGG CHAIR! ❤️ A bunch of blogger babes and I have teamed up to give one of you an egg chair (or $400 cash)!!! Are you ready!?
.
To enter... 
1. Like this post and tag two friends! 
2. Follow everyone @winningbabes123 is following. 
3. Follow each gal on @liketoknow.it for extra entries! 
. 
Good luck everyone! Sweepstake remains open until 2pm PST on 9/23. Winner will be announced within 48 hours. This sweepstake is in no way sponsored or endorsed by Instagram. By entering you are verifying you are at least 18 years of age, release Instagram of responsibility and agree to Instagram’s terms of use! No purchase necessary for entry! #fashionblogger #eggchair #gift #salealert #bloggerbabes #gifting #patiofurniture #homedecor
HAPPY FRIDAY! We made it to the end of the week, f HAPPY FRIDAY! We made it to the end of the week, friends! This jumpsuit is one of my favorite purchases for date night, and it’s only $19! Now I just need a place to wear it… maybe to this cute lil Italian restaurant that opened up near us. They offer outdoor social distancing seating. 🙂 Anyways, I hope you beautiful people have a great rest of your day. Xo SHOP http://liketk.it/2WP1c 📸: @emilykimphoto 

#jumpsuit #kimkvibes #kimkardashianinspired #datenightstyle #datenightfashion #ootd #fridayvibes #sheinus #sheinofficial #liketkit @liketoknow.it #LTKstyletip #LTKsalealert #LTKunder50
FAVORITES POST! Every item I am wearing here is my FAVORITES POST! Every item I am wearing here is my ultimate favorite in its category. Top - I wanted to share this amazing white Henley that is restocked and only $19. It’s my most worn top during the Fall, because I’ll layer sweater, vests, and jackets over it. Boots - Not to mention, my favorite  OTK boots are 30% off and in 99% of my planned fall outfits lol. Jeans - Favorite Abercrombie denim coming your way! Belt - Favorite raved about Gucci belt dupe under $5! And there you have it! SHOP http://liketk.it/2WGqO 📸: @emilykimphoto 

#otkboots #blackjeans #whitehenley #amazonfashion #goodnightmacaroon #guccibelt #designerdupe #styleblogger #fashionblogger #womanceo #bossbabe #womeninhustle #goaldigger
#solopreneur #thisgirlmeansbusiness #sfblogger #sanjoseblogger #photography #designerdupes #shoppingaddict #positivity #liketkit @liketoknow.it #LTKstyletip #LTKshoecrush #LTKsalealert #ltkunder100 #ltkboots #ltkfallstyle
Winners are @ellie.cervantesgros and @annette.y.a Winners are @ellie.cervantesgros and @annette.y.a 
<GIFTING CLOSED> for foodies and healthy snack lovers! I’m partnering with @eatpropergood to give two followers the Super Hero Pack. You will get all of these healthy 90-second soups mailed directly to your door! I have been eating them for dinner every night and I LOVE their meatball minestrone!! 

To enter: 
Follow @soniabegoniablog and @eatpropergood !!
Comment your favorite soup flavor or tag a friend! 

I will announce in 48 hours, and reach out to the winners with the prizes! 

#eatpropergood #propergoodpartner #foodblogger #foodblog #healthysnacks #mondayvibes
  • Privacy Policy

Copyright © 2021 Sonia Begonia · Theme by 17th Avenue