This isn’t what motherhood ‘should’ feel like. This is HG. I am writing this in the throes of Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG). I’m almost 12 weeks into my HG pregnancy, and this has been the hardest physical and emotional experience. HG is all-consuming—physically, mentally, emotionally, and even spiritually. With my personal recount, I hope this post helps friends and family of someone who is suffering understand what HG is and how they can truly offer support.
My Experience with Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG)
At 6 weeks pregnant, I was in the ER dehydrated and in the most pain I have ever been in. I had lost 10 lbs in a week, and was at the lowest weight I had been since I was 17 years old… 118lbs (I am 5’8). Hello sir, this is more than morning sickness. My stomach was in so much pain from vomiting. They gave me fluids and Reglan through an IV, resulting in a reaction that put me in an almost 5 day psychosis of shaking, suicidal ideation, and low blood pressure. I still can’t remember those five days very well. The nausea, vomiting, and excruciating pain continued 24 hours a day … and still going strong.
When I try to explain my HG diagnosis to friends or family, I’m often met with comments like, “Oh, it will get better” or “Yeah I had morning sickness too” or “At least there’s a baby at the end.” These words, though well-intentioned, don’t grasp the magnitude of what HG moms are experiencing. Comparing HG to morning sickness is like comparing a light drizzle to a hurricane (as my fellow sufferer Chloe said). These statements make us want to throat punch someone, to be quite honest.
In my support group, the amount of women who chose to terminate their wanted pregnancy because of HG is astounding and heartbreaking. It is real, and it is dangerous.
What is Hyperemesis Gravidarum?
With pregnancy, you can expect nausea, fatigue, and the occasional discomfort—typical pregnancy experiences. But Hyperemesis Gravidarum is far from that. Affecting only 1–3% of pregnant women, HG is an extreme, painful condition that goes far beyond “morning sickness.” It can last a few weeks to the entire pregnancy.
Unlike typical nausea, HG causes severe, 24/7 vomiting, nausea, and pain that can lead to rapid weight loss, dehydration, malnutrition, and pregnancy complications. Not too long ago, this condition was often fatal for both mothers and babies (many still die from it today), and still leads to pre-term and low weight births.
What You Don’t Know About Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG)
A few things to know about HG pregnancies, from HGMoms (a leading organization in HG research):
- 50% suffer the entire nine months.
- 18% meet the criteria for PTSD, unable to talk about their pregnancy.
- 26% experience thoughts of suicide.
- 50% consider pregnancy termination or wish for a miscarriage during the worst of it.
- 50% will develop severe postpartum depression or anxiety.
- A large percentage will go on disability during their first trimester.
Hyperemesis Gravidarum Treatment
My treatment includes weekly IVs, three to four medications daily, often leading to being bed-bound from weight loss and dehydration, multiple ER and clinic visits, and stomach pain at night that feels like labor—it’s a constant, 24/7 battle. I’ve had five good days so far.
How You Can Support Someone with Hyperemesis Gravidarum
How to Emotionally Support Someone with HG
Supporting a pregnant friend, family member, or spouse with HG is hard because the suffering seems endless, and words often fall short. You may be met with anger and hopelessness. I promise it’s not directed towards you, but the overall situation. We feel robbed of the joys of pregnancy and are often disconnected to our unborn child. People will tell us to toughen up or we shouldn’t be having a baby. This isn’t a condition given to the weak, and it doesn’t make us weak. The thing we love inside us feels like it’s trying to kill us.
the Emotional Toll of my hyperemesis
Anger: HG has left me extremely bitter and angry. It’s caused me to doubt my pregnancy at times and wish for the worst. To hear and see others have much easier pregnancies, brings a lot of rage within many of us.
Disconnect from their baby: Jokingly, I refer to my baby as my “murderer” because it truly feels as if I’m slowly being killed by it (and would most certainly be without medication). We struggle to connect with our unborn child. Pregnancy termination crosses our mind more often than not, we are in survival mode.
Doubt: I started to question why this is happening to me, what I did, was I a good enough person, is this a sign that I shouldn’t be a mother, etc.
Fear: There is a fear that this will happen in subsequent pregnancies, preventing me from giving my child a sibling. If you have HG during one pregnancy, there is an over 80% chance that you’ll get it again in your second – and it will be worse.
Depression: I am unable to enjoy what is supposed to be a wonderful time, often resulting in depressive episodes. A lack of nutrition contributes to mental health issues.
What to Say to Someone Suffering
Here are a few things not to say, and how to transform them into positives for support.
Instead of saying: “Don’t be dramatic. It’s just the first trimester. Things will get better.”
Try saying: “I know it’s so hard right now. Whether or not it gets better, you will get through this, and I’m here for you.”
The truth: You don’t know how long HG will last, or if it will get better before delivery.
Instead of saying: “You should be grateful you’re pregnant at all.”
Try saying: “I can’t imagine how hard this is. You’re growing a human and sacrificing so much. You’re so strong, and I love you. How can I help you today?”
The truth: We can be grateful, while suffering and want this to end. It took us 12 months to conceive and we were about to start IUI.
Instead of saying: “Things could be worse, you could have cancer or be dying.”
Try saying: “Your pain is valid. I know it seems unbearable, do you want to talk? I’m here to listen, you can tell me anything, I won’t judge you.”
The truth: Things could always be worse, but our pain is still valid. We often have dark thoughts and are scared to share them. Be a safe place.
Instead of saying: “At least you won’t gain much weight.”
Try saying: “Can I make you something easy for you to eat? Can I pick up a protein smoothie for you?”
The truth: We worry about NOT gaining weight with this condition.
Instead of saying: “Try ginger, OTC patches, etc. It worked for me.”
Try saying: “What seems to help you and work well for you?”
The truth: Ginger, sour candies, toast… that doesn’t work for HG sufferers. We are way past that.
How to Physically Support Someone with HG
Beyond words, actions can help lighten the overwhelming load. Here’s how you can be a lifeline:
- Household chores: HG moms often can’t get out of bed, let alone clean or cook. Doing a load of laundry or preparing meals is invaluable.
- Grocery shopping: Offer to pick up food or medication they can tolerate.
- Doctor’s appointments: Drive them to appointments or ER visits for IV fluids. Dehydration is common and dangerous.
- Medication Scheduling: Check in that they are taking their medication on time. Pickup their refills at the pharmacy for them.
- Check-in frequently: Ask how they’re feeling and what they need without judgment. Check-in on their mental health especially. Be a source of encouragement, a shoulder to cry on, but also know the signs of severe depression and suicide.
Conclusion
Hyperemesis Gravidarum is not just “part of pregnancy.” It’s a relentless, debilitating condition that leaves mothers traumatized. To anyone currently battling HG: You are stronger than you feel. Even when it seems impossible, your fight matters—for you, for your baby, and for the countless women who’ve endured this before you. You are not alone.
I am grateful for my pregnancy. I know the joy and privilege of creating life, especially knowing many struggle with infertility. But that gratitude doesn’t erase the pain. This isn’t what motherhood “should” feel like. This is HG.
Find more inspiration in my Getting Real inspiration. Remember, you are never alone.
